The Aftermath of an HSG

Nobody warns you about these things. I mean, they can make attempts to prepare you, but you're never really prepared. I could blame my Mom and say she should have told me about HSGs before she earned her angel wings, but she never had one. I guess she's off the hook.

The actual procedure is bad enough. You're stuck on an X-ray table, dressed in a tacky gown, goods hanging out there for the entire room to see, and it's cold. Not cold in a "Wow, it's a little chilly in here wish I had on socks." way, but cold in a "Is that a polar bear sitting in the corner?" kind of way. I don't know why they don't make parka hospital gowns.

Anywho, once you get over the tacky gown, the subarctic temperatures, and the resident hanging on the attending's every single move (which inevitably all involve your goods) you get some strange contraption(s)--plural I think? I didn't look--shoved up there. Up...there. It hurts. They tell you it's going to hurt, but they don't reaaaaally tell you how bad it's going to hurt. I was so lucky that my balloon thingie burst so I had it all shoved up there twice! I tried really hard to convince myself that meant I was getting two for the price of one and it made the whole ordeal a much better bargain. (Have I mentioned you have to shell out close to $800 to have this pain and torture inflicted upon you? You have to pay for the privilege of this agony. Seriously.)

Ok, so after you survive the trauma of the funky contraption(s) shoved up there, you get to see your insides. I guess that's cool except all I could think was "Don't let the radiation zap my eggs! I probably only have like two left!" I tell myself the radiation did nothing to my eggs. I don't care if it's true or not, that's what I tell myself. As for me, my right tube was totally clear. Dye shot out of that thing like an overzealous firecracker. My left tube was a little more stubborn but in the end it admitted defeat and let the dye through. I've now got the all clear and my fallopian tubes could serve as emergency runways for very tiny planes.

Once you have survived your eggs being microwaved and the dye going in and cleaning out all the fallopian tube cobwebs......yep. You guessed it. The dye must come out. There is no preparation for the exiting of the dye. When I heard dye I thought liquid. A friend described it to me like pancake syrup, and she was right. Actually she said it was like shoving pancake syrup through the head of a pin. She wasn't far off. (That explains the pain.)

On the plus side, I now know what it feels like to be a syrup dispenser. I can more freely emphasize with syrup dispensers around the world. Throw in some massive cramping, much like a sledgehammer to your lower abdomen, and that's exactly what the aftermath of an HSG feels like. A syrup sledgehammer dispenser. Great huh? I can't understand why people aren't lined up around the block for these things. ;)

The RE tells me this will increase fertility for the next 6 months or so. I better get something out of this.