What I don't necessarily get is what women facing infertility think about. In general, infertility is a dirty little secret that isn't openly discussed. No one wants to admit out loud that they are trying for a baby and can't have one. No one talks about their experiences with the constant tests, exams, and disappointments. I have one friend, ONE, who had been open with me about her journey to concieve. It took her 3 years and two miscarriages to get there. If it wasn't for my dear friend I would have gone crazy long ago. (For the record she won her battle with her ovaries and she is now expecting a little boy!) This particular friend is my hope and my inspiration, but other than that, it seems like the other members of the Infertile Couples Club want their membership to stay anonymous. I don't get that.
I have no idea if other women feel the way I do about their body. I don't know if the way I feel is normal or not. I often wonder how many women are out there just like me who are too scared to speak out and say something. Needless to say, my lack of access to an available group of infertile women leave me with only one outlet for discussion. Mike.
After so many months of TTC on the brain it's probably become, much to Mike's dismay, one of my most discussed topics. This whole time I've been thinking to myself: He doesn't get it. He already has a kid. Then I proceed to mentally bash my head against a brick wall.
Turns out I was wrong. He does get it. He does think about TTC. What he thinks about, however, is nothing that any woman would ever come up with!
Mike and I were sitting on the couch a few days ago. Like most guys, Mike is solution oriented. He wants to fix our problem. (Bless him for wanting to fix me!) He told me he had come up with a solution to our baby making issues. Short of coming at my lady parts with a wrench and a crow bar, I really had no idea what he intended to do. I was just so ecstatic that he finally wanted to discuss infertility!
Mike then proceeded to rattle off a list of things I could do to make my Angry Uterus less angry.
Mike's TTC Suggestions
Suggested in just this order
- Roll out a red carpet for the guys (meaning little swimmers)
- Set up drink stations along the way to the egg
- Hire a sperm masseuse
- Offer a variety of refreshments at designated "sperm stops" (he mentioned egg white CF & gatorade)
- Have sperm rest stations with chocolates on the pillows
- Hire body guards for his guys so the macrophages wouldn't eat them
- Install maps
- install a neon arrow pointing to the correct side
- Build flower stands and gift shops at the entrance to my fallopian tubes so his guys could buy gifts to entice my egg
- Play soft romantic music and provide low lighting in my fallopian tubes to encourage conception
Yep folks, that is my husband's solution to infertility.
Some ladies might have been frustrated if their all their husband offered up as a solution. Not me. I know that for my hubs this was his way of saying that he does contemplate having babies, but he is at a loss on what to do to make one. I have to say, the gift shop idea sounds promising.
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